It all began with a stomachache

It was our fifth month anniversary and technically, we each had a stomachache. Abel said he had to burp and I told him I needed to fart. So we boarded a bus in order that the needful, merciful thing could be done while we got to our destination. Remaining quiet as we concentrated our energies on expelling the evil pockets of gas gained from our greed of Thai food, we were entertained by yet another indulgence of our country- the TV Mobile. A health documentary was on. A wholesome- looking presenter with a dreamy voice, presented the topic of the day: (I kid you not) “Your Bodily Processes: Burps and Farts.”

“Burping
We breathe in gases such as nitrogen and oxygen. Sometimes we swallow these gases when we eat, and our body needs to get rid of it. Hence, burping or belching occurs when air is forced from the stomach, up through the oesophagus and throat and out our mouths.

On the other hand, farting is
A "high-amplitude propogating contraction" that commonly occurs after meals. This is a very strong tightening that begins at the top of the large intestine and ends just above the rectum, sweeping the contents ahead of it as it goes. You will often feel a strong urge to have a bowel movement as a result of this contraction. Even if you don't, the contraction will cause any pockets of gas within the intestine to emerge as flatulence. This would explain the gas you have immediately after a meal. On average, each person produces 500-1000ml of flatulence every day.
If we are wondering about the bad smell of farts, this is caused by the variety of gases produced when the bacteria in our intestines feed and digest the carbohydrates in our foods. Flatulence is made up in bulk of methane, hydrogen and hydrogen sulphide. It is the third that causes those bad smells.
On that note, I wish you good health, wellness and smells during this Christmas season. This is Christine Appleton saying goodnight.”

The health documentary ended and a rerun of “America’s funniest Home Videos” came on just as we turned into the bus depot.
“Did you manage to burp?” I turned to Abel.
“Yeah, I did. The dogs leaping over their owners were funny. Are you feeling better too?
“Yup. The documentary was queerly timely---all that talk about contractions and bacteria causing those gases and smells…”
“What documentary?” Abel mumbled distractedly as we entered the mall, “You in the mood for dessert?”